The Comedy

I love adventure.

Any sort of adventure, really. It's something I long for, search for, and deeply desire. There are very few circumstances I find comparable to one where the outcome of success is low, and yet the urge to dive headfirst into it is undeniable.

If I could pin down what an "adventure" is, I would describe it as any situation that has an unknown outcome that stretches a person. For some, that is more of a physical event- rock climbing, sky diving, hiking, white water rafting, things of that nature. For others, it is found in pursuit of convictions, dreams, goals, things that mean so much to us but has a huge risk of failure. Whether you are a person who seeks the physical or the mental push, there is something that is enticing to all of us about a high stakes scenario.

Especially for men.

Being a man myself, and having had many conversations with other men on this topic, I know that we all have something inside of us that itches to go out and do something adventurous, courageous, something that stretches us to our limits. Many of us long to be someone like Maximus, the heroic Gladiator who fought for his freedom and for his family, a master of war and composure. We have this internal pull towards greatness, towards power and respect.

Then why do we men deny that adventure in our every day life?

I hate saying this, because it is something that is a daily struggle for me, but our generation, our culture, encourages men to be passive and weak. It's a bold statement, yes, but unfortunately there are too many examples of this for me to fit into a readable article.

But, I'll highlight one where we men fail more often than not.

Let's talk about girls. Any guy who says interacting with girls (and I mean true, meaningful interaction) isn't an adventure, is lying to your face. It is terrifying to pursue a girl, it just is. There is the chance of rejection, which is a shot to any man, no one wants to deal with the reality of not being desired by someone. There's the vulnerability necessary when pursuing a girl, who wants to be open enough to really talk about your dreams and fears and short comings? Plus, you've got to get up the nerve to talk to the girl in the first place. It all seems pretty risky to me.

Of course, there are guys who are great at talking to girls. Who seem to be so smooth and clear, clearly able to woo a girl in moments. But what are the real intentions with an approach like that?

It's not scary to get a peel off tattoo on your arm. You don't have to put a lot of consideration into it, you could get a freaking Care Bare on a cloud of cotton candy, and it doesn't matter, because it will be gone in a few days. However, when getting a real tattoo, it's a bit of a bigger decision. It's going to be on you for the rest of your life. Obviously something that takes some forethought.

A lot of guys treat girls like a peel off tattoo. Just something fun, even funny, a temporary commitment simply for kicks. We often go into our interactions with girls with a selfish mentality, that they are there for our own gain. Whether you are a guy who talks to a girl to hook up with them or even just so you can have someone so you aren't alone, you are wrong.

This situation gets me more upset than the previous- the guy who waits for a girl to pursue him. At least a guy who is just using a girl for sex or to fulfill his own ego has the stones to approach the girl he is going to exploit.

Why do some many guys wait for the girl to go after them? The answer is simple. There's ZERO risk in it. If a girl comes to you first, all of the variables are eliminated. There is no risk of immediate rejection, there's no issue of whether or not they are attracted to you, and as an added "bonus," you get your ego pumped up.

Men, this is the biggest thing that has to stop. When we allow that mentality to become how we function, two huge issues come up.

1) It makes us wimps. It feeds into the lie that things in life will just fall into our laps, that if we sit back, relax, and wait, something will just come along and everything will be okay. That is so NOT the reality of the world we live in. We as men are designed to work for things, to put it all on the line and go for something because it means something to us. If you think that any of the men who we define as our heroes sat around and waited for anything to happen to them, whether involving women or not, you are wrong.

2) It is detrimental to the woman who does the pursuing. I think if you asked any girl, and if she answered honestly, she would tell you that she would rather be chased than do the chasing any day. The reason behind that is a simple one, they are built that way! A woman should feel desired, wanted, beautiful, and loved. Do you really think they feel that way when they have to be the one who pursues you first?

That is the comedy of it all. We men have it in our hearts to be adventurous, dangerous, to live on the edge, but we are so unwilling to do so.

Men, I would like to encourage you to change your approach on how you pursue a girl. Deny the flesh, be willing to put the time and the effort into discovering what is just your own selfishness driving you to be with a girl, and what is a true, honest desire to get to know a girl, to be apart of who she is as a woman. Don't give into weakness, or fear. Be bold, be strong, be vulnerable, and be intentional.

And ladies, don't think I forgot about you. I realize that is it tough to "sit around and wait" for a guy to come along and pursue you, but I promise you when I say that it will be worth it. You want a man who will act like a man because he is one, not because you gave him the opportunity to be one.

We all want adventure, but not all of us are actually willing to partake in one. Let's change the culture on this one, it is something that is necessary and vital. I am encouraged by the men and women who live by this standard, and I would like to encourage them to continue to hold strong to this standard.

It is a goal that is achievable to all of us, we just have to willing to engage in it.